The Sacrament

Today was a very interesting day. I went to the mormon church for the first time. And the second time. And the third time. We were asked, as the Pinecone Playhouse to lead Sacrament meeting, and that included the whole cast singing a song. In some ways it was really nice, and in others it made me very glad that I am no longer religious.  Some of the talks were wonderful, particularly Jeff's two talks at Canyon and Lake. They were pretty non-religious, and just great stories and life advice, and made me really think about living my life from a place of gratitude and happiness.

I have known for a while that I need to make some major changes in my life, and that is becoming clearer and clearer every day. For instance, I've wanted a boyfriend for a long time now. Somehow I've thought that having a man that loved me, and wanted me, would fill some empty part of me. But I'm starting to realize that I don't want to have to be filled, or completed. I don't want to find my 'other half.' I want to complete myself, then, maybe I will find the right person to compliment the person that I become, but, for now, I think I need to stop looking.

I'm not going to close myself off from the possibility of love, because, really, all I want to do is to BE love, and give love and receive love. However, I need to stop looking in such earnest. I am going to stop trying to find vindication in others. No one can complete me, but me. And I know this is a simple idea that most people figure out much earlier, but it is just starting to really click for me. And I know that for it to click in life, not just in theory, I will need to practice it every day.

One thing Jeff talked about today is that thoughts are not simple, private, nothings. They are real, they are true, they are what we create, they are what we are. I am working to change my thoughts. I don't need someone else to complete me. I have a full and wonderful life. I am safe. I am loved. I am LOVE. I am complete and I am worthy of everything I have received and will receive.

Ahhh. How good these thoughts feel and how hard they seem to be to keep in our minds. But I know that every day I keep thinking these positive thoughts the closer I will be to a truly happy, peaceful, loving life.  Changing my life, one thought at a time...ahh, how good it feels.

namaste. be love.