I can’t even begin to synthesize my trip so far. I suppose I could make a list of the things I’ve done, the places I’ve been, the people I’ve seen, but somehow I know that wouldn’t even start to scratch the surface. The last five days have been amazing. And yet, at the same time they have been very difficult as well. I wanted this trip to be some sort of grand transformative journey, and I guess I’m getting my wish. I wish I could put into words everything that I’ve experienced, and am experiencing, even right now, in this very moment, but it is definitely something beyond my abilities of articulation.
But I guess that a run-down of events so far would be a good place to start.
Friday , October 1 I left West Yellowstone and headed down to Springville, Utah and arrived at Dave and Natalie Burton’s adorable house. Natalie and Nora (and Joey) were there to greet me, and (surprise of all surprises) Nora wasn’t terrified of me and actually seemed to kind of enjoy my presence. (Insanity, I know, Clare not scaring the living daylights of a 20 month old.) I can’t believe how much of a little person Nora is. She is adorable. And it is true, Natalie, your kids are the cutest. That evening Michael’s friend Barret picked me up to head to the Blue October concert down in Salt Lake City. He was very nice, very young, and very much a fan of musical theatre. It was a tiny bit awkward being in the car with him and not having Michael there to introduce us, but I think we did okay. However, for being a local, Barret was slightly directionally challenged and it took us a while to find Michael and his friend Kaylie.
Alright, it is Michael, I should have known what I was getting into agreeing to do anything with him, but alas, I am, and forever will be, the queen of ‘the benefit of the doubt.’ And, because of such optimism I was a bit taken aback by how couple-y Michael was with Ms. Kaylie. I knew they were friends, and he had mentioned something about some high school unrequited love, but I really didn’t expect him to basically ignore me and canoodle with her for the majority of the evening. Ah well. The joys of being friends with Mr 18 Year Old. The concert was amazing, I’m still not in love with all of their music, but I love live music of almost every variety; the energy, and the passion of everyone in the crown was contagious. It was a great concert despite us almost being late and standing for far too long in heels.
After we dropped off Kaylie (and Michael made out with her for a while) Michael proceeded to fall asleep in the back seat while it took Barret FOREVER to drive home. Eventually we got back to Dave and Natalie’s around 2am and they had a mattress set up for me on the living room floor with sheets and blankets and, wait for it, a little hard candy! (The closest they could come to a pillow-mint). They are absolutely too adorable for words.
Saturday Natalie and I had a slow start, but we had such a blast talking and catching up. Although we disagree on matters of religion and politics she is a wonderful spirit that makes me wish she was an atheist (and her wish I was a Mormon). Ha! We went to an amazing little café with lots of veggie and vegan options and I got some wheatgrass (which I spilled on myself) and an amazing sandwich. We then went up to Orem to see the end of Dave’s sitzprobe for Scarlett Pimpernel. I really hope I get to see that show! Then, to make a good day even better, we had a spontaneous theater attendance to “The Girl, The Grouch, and the Goat.” Horrible title, I know, but it was rather charming and showcased some incredible talent.
After that was more time with Natalie and the kids (I even played with Nora for a bit), and then to Dave’s parents for some dessert. They are a lovely family, and so welcoming.
Sunday morning saw us up bright and early and off to Natalie’s parents for General Conference breakfast. So many people! It was lovely as well, and I even stayed and watched general conference as an intellectual curiosity. (Side note: Still not becoming a Mormon any time soon, but I am now the owner of my very own copy of The Book of Mormon! Ha!) I then was expecting to go pick up Michael and return him and his instruments to Cedar City. BUT, in typical Michael fashion, he changed his plans so he could leave later and I drove the four hours alone, and dropped his guitar and violin with a friend of his at his school. I listened to some great NPR stuff though, so mayhap it was meant to be.
Now I arrive at my time here at the Center for True North. Wow. No words. It hasn’t all been a blissful spiritual adventure, don’t get me wrong, but the people who run the place (Mariangela and Hank) and Bill, their friend, who is the only other guest at the moment, are all wonderful people and kindred spirits. I find myself constantly planning when I’m going to be able to come back and having to remind myself to just stay in the moment and enjoy my time here now.
An unexpected happening is the rain storm that hasn’t really let up since 12 hours after I arrived. Thunder, lightning, pounding rain, it is crazy, and beautiful. It has put a (literal) damper on any hiking or exploring that I wanted to do, but I think I kind of needed to be shut up with my own self for a few days anyway. I know this is a turning point in my life and I can’t wait to see where I go from here. (Literally and figuratively, as I’m headed to the Grand Canyon in the morning.) I probably won’t post this for at least a day, as I’m not on the internet here, but it is currently Tuesday night as I write this.
I feel the soul of the world here so strongly. The pull to be more than I am, go deeper than I am. I’ve even used some of their Tarot decks and done a few self readings that were pretty eerie and exciting. I feel a shift, a death and a rebirth. I am even getting chills at the moment as I write this. Letting go of the old, letting go of thoughts, and ideas, and habits that no longer serve me, and opening my heart to what is to come. Ahhhhh. Say it with me: ahhhhh. Doesn’t that feel good. I’m relearning how to breathe. It is crazy how easy it is to forget to breathe properly. Oh! And Bill and I have been playing guitar and singing, he is a fellow theatre folk.
I know wonderful things are in my future. I just know it. We are the masters of our own destiny, and I refuse to sit back and be complacent any longer. Now, I must start making the decisions that I’ve been putting off. That is the hard part; that is my greatest weakness. But I know I will rise to the occasion. I feel my life unfolding in beautiful way in front of me and I’m ready to go greet it.
The storm has returned, good thing I love thunder and lighting.
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