Well, tonight we sacrificed the bunny. This is not nearly as dramatic as it sounds, but it was awfully fun. Bronwyn got a GIANT chocolate bunny from her fiance for valentines day, which we've been eating all summer, and tonight, we finally sacrificed him, chopped him up, and cooked him into Oatmeal Raisin cookies! Yum!
However, eating lots of cookies made me realize, again, how much I hate the feeling of having eaten too much. And I hate dealing with my blood sugar afterward. If I ever really want to get control over my life, I need to get control over my blood sugar.
Turns out that tonight had a lot to teach me. Sacrificing the bunny taught me how much fun it is to have girlfriends, and to laugh and be silly and take funny pictures. It also taught me that I really need to make a huge change in the way I eat if I ever want to feel really great. I can't live in denial about this disease. I have diabetes, and this means that if I want to live the long, happy life that I plan on living, I need to make some changes now. My 20's won't last forever, but I at least want my life to last through my 20's! Reality is starting to settle, and I need to make some changes.
The other thing we did while sacrificing the chocolate bunny was watch the movie "Easy Virtue." I had heard bad things, but I LOVED it. Probably just because I loved Jessica Beil's character so much. And it was first a Noel Coward play, written when he was only 25. But, turns out by then he had already written 15 plays! Not only was I incredibly inspired by the movie, and by Larita's wonderful ability to be who she was and live her life fully and boisterously, but I was also inspired by the fact that Noel Coward was practically my age when we was writing these amazing plays.
I don't need to wait for my day of brilliance. My genius is here, right now, waiting for me to tap into it. I don't need to apologize about who I am. I drink. I am a sexual person. I swear. And these things are okay. I don't believe in God, with a capital G. I think religion hinders, rather than helps. I want to save the world, and I want to create beauty. And I can do and be all of these things. I don't need to apologize for them.
My new goals: be myself, which is love. And treat myself in accordance with the knowledge that I am love. Nourish my body with the food that will make it healthy and strong. And nourish my spirit with the people and places that will make me happy and free. Each breath is a gift. It is so simple and yet so easy to forget. I am open. I am an artist. I am love.
Oh, and I am going to start writing my book. Someday. Hopefully soon. And play the guitar. And the ukulele. And sing. And dance, and do everything that makes me happy and joyful to be alive.
Breath in. Breath out. Love. Ahh.
Namaste
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