Thursday, September 30, 2010

Leaving

I leave for my road trip. In 12 hours. Wow. I still have quite a bit of packing to do, but I'm sure it will all get done. It has finally started to sink in that I'm leaving, and for six weeks, and I'm so excited and also sad, and happy, and every other emotion, all at once.

So here is the current plan:

Oct 1-2 Springville, UT
Oct 3-6 Center for True North in Southern Utah
Oct 6 The Grand Canyon
Oct 7-10 Scottsdale, AZ with Ari!
Oct 10 Possibly the Las Vegas Renaissance Faire
Oct 11-14 Los Angeles Area
Oct 15 Pescadero, CA
Oct 16-17 Yosemite
Oct 18 Monterey with Karen
Oct 19-21 Oakland with Rachel
Oct 22-23 Ashland, OR for the Shakespeare Festival
Oct 24-26 Portland area with Andrea!
Oct 27 Olympia area with Jacklyn
Oct 28-Nov 8 Tacoma and Seattle with all the wonderful people who live there! And NOMT!
Nov 9-11 Probably Missoula with Darah and Amber
Home some time after that.
Here I go! Bon voyage!
namaste

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Sacrificing the Bunny

Well, tonight we sacrificed the bunny. This is not nearly as dramatic as it sounds, but it was awfully fun.  Bronwyn got a GIANT chocolate bunny from her fiance for valentines day, which we've been eating all summer, and tonight, we finally sacrificed him, chopped him up, and cooked him into Oatmeal Raisin cookies! Yum!

However, eating lots of cookies made me realize, again, how much I hate the feeling of having eaten too much. And I hate dealing with my blood sugar afterward. If I ever really want to get control over my life, I need to get control over my blood sugar.

Turns out that tonight had a lot to teach me. Sacrificing the bunny taught me how much fun it is to have girlfriends, and to laugh and be silly and take funny pictures. It also taught me that I really need to make a huge change in the way I eat if I ever want to feel really great. I can't live in denial about this disease. I have diabetes, and this means that if I want to live the long, happy life that I plan on living, I need to make some changes now. My 20's won't last forever, but I at least want my life to last through my 20's!  Reality is starting to settle, and I need to make some changes.

The other thing we did while sacrificing the chocolate bunny was watch the movie "Easy Virtue."  I had heard bad things, but I LOVED it. Probably just because I loved Jessica Beil's character so much. And it was first a Noel Coward play, written when he was only 25. But, turns out by then he had already written 15 plays!  Not only was I incredibly inspired by the movie, and by Larita's wonderful ability to be who she was and live her life fully and boisterously, but I was also inspired by the fact that Noel Coward was practically my age when we was writing these amazing plays.

I don't need to wait for my day of brilliance. My genius is here, right now, waiting for me to tap into it. I don't need to apologize about who I am. I drink. I am a sexual person. I swear. And these things are okay. I don't believe in God, with a capital G. I think religion hinders, rather than helps. I want to save the world, and I want to create beauty. And I can do and be all of these things. I don't need to apologize for them.

My new goals: be myself, which is love. And treat myself in accordance with the knowledge that I am love. Nourish my body with the food that will make it healthy and strong. And nourish my spirit with the people and places that will make me happy and free. Each breath is a gift. It is so simple and yet so easy to forget.  I am open. I am an artist. I am love.

Oh, and I am going to start writing my book. Someday. Hopefully soon. And play the guitar. And the ukulele. And sing. And dance, and do everything that makes me happy and joyful to be alive.

Breath in. Breath out. Love. Ahh.
Namaste

Sunday, September 5, 2010

The Artist in Me

Okay, first things first: Here are the lyrics to a song I just discovered at a concert at the PineCone Playhouse tonight. It was by singer/songwriter David Mallet and this song touched me so much that I just downloaded it and listened to it and typed out all the lyrics. It is amazing.

The Artist in Me by David Mallet

Why do I fly? Why do I fall? Must be the artist in me, guess it's just the artist in me.
Why am I amazed at the wonder of it all? Guess it's just the artist in me.
Why am I alone even when I'm in a crowd? It must be the artist in me, guess it's just the artist in me.
Why make my living being lonely out loud? Guess it's just the artist in me.

Why do I live on coffee and wine? Why do I have to keep moving all the time?
And how do I know that beauty will set me free?
Why am I awake when the whole world is asleep?
It must be the artist in me, guess it's just the artist in me.
People throw away all the things I keep, I guess it's just the artist in me.

Why do I seek these universal truths? Must be the artist in me, guess it's just the artist in me.
Why do I still mourn all the heroes of my youth? Guess it's just the artist in me.

Why do I live on coffee and wine? Why do I have to keep moving all the time?
Why do I know that beauty will set me free?
Why do I fly? Why do I fall? Must be the artist in me, guess it's just the artist in me.
Why am I amazed at the wonder of it all? I guess it's just the artist in me.
Why am I my best when I'm right down to a crawl? I guess it's just the artist in me.

I'm totally in love with this song. If you want to hear it, here's the only link I could find to it on youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CyJjHFtQFlM

It really captures how I feel right now, which I know is terribly cheesy, but I love when you find music like that.

I'm getting very excited for my road trip. At first I thought I was putting too much pressure on it, hoping to 'find myself' etc. But why the hell not? Why not have amazing expectations for an amazing adventure?  If the smallest moments in life can change you, then something like this certainly can. 

I'm seriously considering some kind of fast also. I feel so muddy, and murky, and unclear lately. And I know that part of that has to do with the junk I've been putting into my body. I need to clean myself up a bit, emotionally, physically, and spiritually if I want to get all I possibly can from this trip at the end of the month.

But for now, I shall sign off and get to work memorizing my lines.
Namaste. Be love. Be an artist.